We are Women

Rememember that anthem from the 70's "I am Woman"? For those of you who weren't born yet or don't remember, the soaring declaration that made woman all over America want to rally against injustice, macrame a belt, and stop having dinner parties went like this: "If I have to, I can do anything. I am strong! I am invincible! I am Woman!"

My anthem wuold probably go "If I have to I can maybe do lunch. I need a strawberry Margarita! I am responsible for too much at work! I am Woman! This is the kind of lyric that explains why I am so seldom called upon to produce a hit single.

I like women., I like then as much or more than I like almost anybody. But the women I like aren't alsways strong, and they are certainly not invincible. They're creative, they are idiosyncratic, and they are around if you need them. They know how to raise hell and they know how to raise children. They never miss Wednesday Happy Hour. They have seen me at my worse. They can spot a scam, a lousy doctor and a crummy boyfriend in ten seconds. They have perfected the stare that can make a nasty salesperson, a bad waitress or a co worker fold like an oragami swan. My favorite women feel bad about their arms, but love their asses. They try really hard to wish everyone well. They brake for sex, sleep, solitude, caffiene and Vodka. They have got nerves of steel, the courage of their convictions, great taste and comfortable footwear. They're sugar and spice and everything I aspire to.

Here, in no particular order, are a few spectacular famous women we should all think of:

She might have been norn a coal miners's daughter, but Lorretta Lynn raised herself up to be an audacious provocateur who's spent nearly 50 years turning out country classics - including you aint woman enough to take my man. Her 2004 hit with White Stripes Jack White, came at 69. When I am 69, I plan to be watching reruns of Law and Order and watching my blood sugar raise... similar to wahtat I do at 30.

She understood female friendship, complicated men, and domestic engineering better than most of us ever will. I don't love Lucy, I dont dream of Jeannie - but Wilma Flinstone could probably get us out of Iraq and global warming simultaneously. The question is: Are we ready for a cartoon cave woman in the white house?

Speaking of the White House, I'd like to thank Chelsea Clinton for appearing to be a normal human being, when it so could have gone the other way. If anybody's earned the right to exit a limo without underpants, lord know's it her. There are no words for how grateful I am not to have wo watch as she checks out or rehab to atttend a Golden Globe party or serves 41 minutes in jail for shoplifting a leg of lamp in her Marc Jacobs bad or fights for custody of Anna Nicole's baby or ways in at 83 pounds of solid denial.

I know Don Cheadle isn't a woman, but I just saw a documentary called Darfur Now and it made me like him so much that I've decided to bestow upon him an "Honorary Girl" title. He is whip smart and fiercely committed to alleviateing misery, so I say we hand him a DVD of They Way We Were, teach him the secret handshake, waive the membership fee and start letting him into meetings.

"My faith in the Constiution is whole, it is complete; it is total. And I am not going to sit here and be an idle spectator to the diminutoion, the subversion or distruction of it." The late, great Congresswoman Barbara Jordan said that. I only wish other Texas politicains shared her sentiment.

Many women struggle every day and make the hard choices. This should not be happening to us, my best friends, women I don't know. But then I remind myself that if we have to, we can do anything. We are strong, and when one of us isn't feeling all that invicible, the other will take the wheel. We are Women.