i am in love.
i mean - i have taken my heart out of my chest and given in to him - kind of love. the thought of not hearing his voice can reduce me to tears in seconds. i would give my last breath for him. there is no better place in this world than being his arms. stupid, hallmark kind of love.
and he loves me. he says he loves me.
we have been dating seven months. it's monogomous on one side (bet you can't guess which one). my friend says a guy knows in two weeks if he wants something serious with you. ive been desperatley hanging on this past 6 months. should i let him go? yes. can i let him go? only if you pry him from my clutching hands on my death bed.
there are reasons why i should let it go. his mother (who has never met me) can't stand the thought of us together. I am everything she hates: older, fat, white. I am six years older than him.
but i still love him.
sometimes it feels like i am d's back up plan. not to say he isn't dedicated to us: he is. he spends as much time as his schedule allows with me. the sex is absolutley amazing. he makes me feel things i have never known. he brings flowers. we see shows. we are planning our first vacation. he still dates other women. he says he is just not sure. i can understand that. but how long does it take to be sure? i am not talking about getting married, i just want an exclusive relationship.
it's hopeless, im hopeless. this is the most terrible, wonderful feeling i have ever felt.
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1 comment:
Wow, I don't even really know what to say to this post. On hand I think "that's so great that you love someone like that and that he makes you feel so good!" But on the other hand? I'm ready to shout "don't let him use you or string you along!" I mean, if you're really okay with him dating other people than that's one thing, but if not? I don't think he's going to change (since it has been 7 months) and don't want you to get hurt.
This is tough and sticky girl. If you wanna talk, I'm here!
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